Waiting
For the last six months of my life I've been waiting for something. At first, it was preparing for school final exams that would determine whether I'd go to college or not. Then it was waiting for the results. Now I'm updating the admission list every hour to see if I'm in the first 37 places. There are more than a thousand people who sent their application, so it's around 30 people battling for one spot. I have pretty good chances to enroll, still.
The worst part is that I don't know what to do now. I've been cleaning my room daily for the past week, just to get rid of boredom. I mindlessly vacuum the floor, after which comes a great workout for my back in form of mopping, but I'm afraid that at some point there will be nothing to clean (see, again). Constantly thinking about the future and all the possibilities, worst and best scenarios drains too much energy to be productive (maybe that's just a bad excuse, idk). Although this blog definitely helps — I can focus on something else and zone out, or just talk about things that I'm anxious about (like in this post)
The biggest fear is that the wait will never go away. Even when I finally become a college student, I will think about exams and all the assignments that are going to be on the deadline. Eventually I'll graduate, but still, I fear that I will be always waiting for some big event, some big change in my life.
People always say not to live in the past, but is living in the future better?